Saturday, October 17, 2020
These three-ton beasts sure know how to get the job done. Underwater they can run up to five miles per hour, making a sneak attack on us mere unsuspecting humans, a piece of flesh-cake. Never mind their speed on land, twenty freaking miles an hour! These pudgy mammals are as much of a joke as the 500 victims of hippoticide every year*.
Actually they are. And after they kill you, they stuff you under the river bank until you're nice and rotten and tender. Then they eat you. Nasty, nasty creatures. Kinda cute, though.