The “nothing to see here” brigade has lost any semblance of credibility. In response, they’d like to make sure there’s actually nothing to see by the time investigators come looking for it.
MASON CITY, IA—Saying that the past 72 hours offered him plenty of time to pause and reflect, local man Andrew Boyle told reporters Tuesday that the state’s three-day waiting period to purchase a handgun had allowed him to devise a far more practical murder plot. “I was just going to drive straight over there, bust through the door, and start firing indiscriminately. But now that I’ve really thought about it, I can make sure that I not only take this guy out, but his whole family as well,” said Boyle, who added that holding off until later in the week had afforded him the opportunity to carefully monitor his target’s daily routine, learn how to override a home security system, and craft several contingency plans should any aspect of his plot fall through. “Having all this extra time to formulate a clear, well-thought-out plan has actually been a blessing. If they’d sold me the gun right away, there’s no question I would have been so enraged that I would have overlooked all the finer details and totally botched it.” Boyle then added that, because of the three-day wait, he was pretty much assured of getting away with the crime as well.